THE TROUBLE WITH LARRY IS HE DUG HIS OWN HOLE
BY STEVE DUNLEAVY, New York Post
12 December 1997
dug up is not the nicest thing to happen to you - even if you are dead.
Alfred Hitchcock told us in 1955, in a movie called "The Trouble With Harry," that a wandering corpse can be worrisome.
In a macabre replay of Hitchcock's genius, we are sadly witnessing "The Trouble with Larry."
The Associated Press wrote with pristine accuracy:
"The body of the late ambassador, Larry Lawrence, was exhumed from Arlington National Cemetery today."
Larry, at age 69, croaked after four wives and a web of naughty untruths.
While old Larry is looking like something out of "Weekend at Bernie's," we have to look closely at this.
Larry is, as my friendCiarran Hegarty was saying, "roamin' the country looking for a hole to dive in."
But if there is a morality play here, it is simply this: Don't fib, because you have to tell many more untruths to protect your original departure from fact.
The trouble with Larry was that being a brilliant billionaire wasn't enough for him.
The trouble with Larry was that being on first-name terms with Billy-boy Clinton wasn't enough for him.
Like too many of us, he wanted more.
Even being ambassador to the funny-money capital of the world - Switzerland - wasn't good enough for him.
He had to possess something money can't buy - heroism.
I have known enough heroes in my time to convince myself I could never qualify to be a member of that club.
I am content in knowing I'll never be brilliant like Larry. I'll never be a billionaire like Larry, but I won't be looking for a hole to jump in.
Phil Budahn, spokesman for the American Legion, told me: "My mother, Margaret, always said that anything of value can't be bought."
Larry gave Bill Clinton $10 million, a legitimate $10 million as opposed to the other stuff.
Larry's wife No. 4 wanted a little social status.
You know, get the old geezer in Arlington and cocktail parties will follow.
I cannot believe Clinton knew Larry was scamming his war record.
No, Clinton was just being your normal idiot.
But isn't it funny?
Of all the terrible fibs that Clinton has told this country, he gets nicked on something that maybe he did not set up.
It's like God keeping score. You didn't get done over for the terrible thing you did, but you are going to get beaten up for something not too terrible.
It's called framing the guilty.
"There is acute hubris here," Phil Budahn said. "An arrogance of the upper strata.
"No, I am not a hero either, but for someone to pretend to be and for a president who dodged the draft to swallow the story for $10 million, well, you make your mind up. Other than that. I have very little to say."
And neither do I, apart from the fact that it plays hell with your bones when you are awakened like that.
If Hitchcock were alive today, he would be shooting a movie called "The Trouble With Larry."